Stress, without the aid of active coping skills, can wreak havoc on our bodies and create emotional distress that distorts our self-perception, interpersonal relationships, and worldview. Despite my best efforts to manage stress through regular exercise, guided meditation, and bi-weekly therapy sessions, I still deeply feel the emotional and psychological impacts of stress.
Lately, I have been overwhelmed by self-invalidating thoughts, questioning my worth and value in both personal and professional spaces. This feeling of shrinking in these spaces is unsettling and uncomfortable.
Last week, I went shopping. I thought (emotionally) some retail therapy would elevate my mood. Now, intellectually, I knew that shopping would not address my underlying issue, but I leaned into my emotions and responded to my needs in a superficial way. It did not make me feel better. I became overwhelmed with negative thoughts about my physical appearance. I felt frustrated about my weight, my large forehead, and my acne. I did not feel good; in fact, I felt the antithesis of good.
A commonly used metaphor in safety, the Swiss cheese model, helps explain the occurrence of accidents as a result of system failures. The metaphor uses the holes in Swiss cheese to demonstrate that no system is foolproof. When we layer Swiss cheese slices, the holes, which are random, do not typically align, concealing the holes in the previous layer. However, eventually, the holes will align, exposing vulnerabilities and potentially causing harm.
Our emotional well-being is similarly complex. While we can intentionally create barriers to protect our emotional well-being, sometimes our protective factors (Swiss cheese slices) get disrupted. When the holes align, life stressors permeate, exacerbating our vulnerability and diminishing our ability to handle stress and adapt to change.
In response to my current state of complex needs, I have been practicing the following strategies:
- Spending Time in Affirming Spaces: I have been more intentional about carving out time with friends. Sisterhood is a powerful mechanism for healing. The sense of belonging and connection I feel with my sister/friends buffers invalidating thoughts in an invalidating world.
- Allowing Myself to Feel Emotions Without Judgment: Sometimes we have emotions about our emotions, preventing us from addressing the underlying issue. I am practicing not shaming myself for having difficult emotions.
- Simplifying Daily To-Do Lists: I have decreased my daily to-do lists to whatever I can accomplish that day. At the end of the day, I remind myself that I have given my best for that moment, and the rest can wait.
- Not Taking on New Responsibilities: I am capable of many things, but my capacity is limited right now, and I am honoring that by not taking on anything new just because I can.
- Not Overachieving in Professional Spaces: I am showing up adequately prepared and ready to meet the requirements of my role without overextending myself.
- Creating Beauty Around Me: I buy myself flowers to remind myself of the beauty in the world and within myself.
- Being Transparent with My Therapist: I am candid about my thoughts and feelings, allowing my therapist to help me identify cognitive distortions in my self-perception.
- Reacquainting with Simple Pleasures: I am rediscovering the joy of having dessert after dinner.
By implementing these practices, I am working towards managing stress more effectively and nurturing my emotional well-being amidst life’s challenges.
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